Code:

Name:
E-Mail:
Homepage:
Commentary:

Date:	18.4.2003 6:41
Name:	Ms Flame
Homepage:
Commentary:
Ho hum. Your style of writing could either fly or die - what kind of coffin would you like? There is not enough description. It's too short, too clipped, and you don't make it funny enough to pass as a comedy/humour. The plot line has also been done to death, and can only be carried off if the writer is exceptionally talented. I hate to say this, but you don't fit that criteria. The best thing you can do is change your writing style.

Date:	18.4.2003 2:34
Name:	Guertrude
Homepage:
Commentary:
Sorry - but the 1st chapter doesnt really capture me enough to keep on reading , even though there is not a 2nd chapter. You need to have some eort of a twist or something to keep the reader interested. All i can see is the main female character falling in love with orlando, and orlando, although she makes heaps of mistakes, falls in love with her too. Sorry, but try to make the 1st chapter a little more capturing.